chaos and doubt

The reaction to my images is not uncommon: ‘they radiate peace of mind’ or ‘simplicity and emptiness evoke a desire in me’.

I try indeed to avoid chaos and doubt in my eye on landscape. Recently, after the lecture I gave in Leeuwarden about my photo book the quest, a woman came to me. Emotionally she thanked me for my story and the images. She was deeply touched to hear the story and see and the places she knew so well in this way.

They are beautiful and precious reactions, that touch me and at the same time confuse me. Because how different is that in my life. My life has been uncomfortable and chaotic for years to say the least. That is how I experience that in any case. Also my doubts do not go unnoticed.

My life

Since my move to Fryslân, last summer, I live in a holiday home, almost all my stuff is stored, my new house is being renovated, I publish my book the quest, I exhibit my work and I give lectures about it, and I deliver my contribution to the energy transition and to schools in the earthquake area. And I doubt now and again whether I do the right things. How big is the contrast with my images …

I can’t do it

I long for a tidy desk, for peace and quiet and overview and space in my life. Space as I often see in my own photographs. I long for a less busy schedule with more room to do nothing once. At least, I think I long for that, because as soon as there is some form of peace and space, things will come my way again that I love so much and so I pick it up. I can not do it. Well, sometimes, very briefly. 1 day….

Or right?

Or is this the way I do things? Is this who I am? The chaotic troubled doubter? Is this perhaps the crux: I create from a lack. With my camera I go looking for it, the peace and space I find in photography, in the landscape.

And with that thought that desire for a tidy desk will remain a desire…